Dear Lord please help me this week! I am just a mess lately, got my mind on so many things and trying to get my life more and more organized. My grandpa passed away last week and while it was very hard and sad it was a great time with family and celebrating a very wonderful grandpa who is now where he is happy and healthy and back with grandma =)
So I have been doing so good, better then when I started back in '08! I am not cheating, I have not had a girl scout cookie, not one! There was a big box of donuts sitting in the kitchen at work today and I wasn't even tempted, got a little hungry at the end of the day so I ate my orange, sorry, I am just proud of myself. I have been hitting the gym every day except for Sunday and it is seriously the best drug ever. I feel so sore and tired but so great and my clothes are all fitting again. There are lots of frustrations though; I hate the mirrors at the gym! In my SET class I have to watch myself way too much and I hate it, but at least I am there doing it even though I feel like the biggest person in the room.
So I got to the doctor, got my meds, got to the eye doctor and got contacts (amazing difference btw) and though my house is now a whole new project I am working hard and keeping so busy. After getting my contacts I realized a lot of things. I can't believe my eyesight was THAT bad. I literally could not see the writing on the walls. Yeah, Emma had written on the walls and I couldn't see it before. I could not see how badly my carpet needed cleaned and floors cleaned. So I have been taking little sections at a time. Cleaned spider webs I had never seen, cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, including behind the fridge (nasty) and now on to much more.
I think I mentioned before that I got my taxes done and now by February I will be debt free, with a new savings account. It will be so nice to have that pressure lifted. I am praying a lot though and thinking way too much. I don't know what anyone really thinks about me getting a tummy tuck but it has been on my mind more and more. I am so frustrated and I don't want it to seem like a vanity thing but I think after all that I have done and been through and after all the hard work I deserve this. More than deserve it, I have to do it. It scares me though for many reasons but I think it would really fix my body issues so much and just make me a newer person with much more confidence. And it isn't for anyone but me, I want to look in the mirror and be happy that I lost so much weight, not frustrated that losing so much weight made everything in the middle look like playdough hanging there (sorry tmi)!
The plan is to keep on track, will get on the scale next week though I do NOT want to at all, if I don't see a big difference it will just be hard but I will never give up, I am doing this thing and doing it for good this time, never going back, I will not be a yo-yo dieter, I have one yo and will never do it again!
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